Kathryn Peterson

Pain is a Shapeshifter

 

 

Tell us how this title came about?

 

It came about because I have Multiple Sclerosis and to steal a line from the movie, “Network”, “I am tired as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore.”  But the truth is that I can’t get rid of it so I thought I would write about it and tell people what it does to your body.  The shapeshifter is that area around your muscles, unbeknownst to you, that twists and turns and you have these terrible spasms and cramps.  You never know when it is going to happen, but you have to learn to deal with it and take meds so you don’t have night spasms and cramps.  So that is how this all came about.  It’s a rant.  A nonfiction rant.

 

 

What is the special message you want to convey?

 

 

I want people to understand what MS does to the body.  When you see somebody in a wheelchair and they say they have MS- you don’t need to back away from them.  Having MS is not a mental illness.  We are not going to drool on your food or none of that.  But it is a disability.  I even have a little placard that I hang in my car and I park in handicapped/disabled parking.  Or what my Dad would refer to as crippled children parking places.  He didn’t want to admit that he was disabled.  But at 89 years of age he could do that.  So that’s what the message is.  I want you to understand that it’s simply a disability and we can function normally.  As normal as our body will let us.

 

And that’s what you want the reader to take away from reading this story?

 

Absolutely.  We are not something to shy away from.  I have had to give up a lot of things because I get tired very quickly.  If I do a lot of things all in one day, I would have to go and get nine hours of sleep that night.  So I can no longer do plays.  I can’t dance anymore- a lot of things I cannot do that I loved doing.  But you know the trade- off is that I am not going to get that wheelchair.  Not going to do it.

 

What was your process in writing this piece?

 

My process was that I was in the middle of having one of these episodes and I tried to write down what it felt like and that’s how the words came to mind, because you don’t see it.  You can’t tell when it’s going to happen.  There are little warning signs, but there’s nothing you can do about it.  So I just envisioned this thin linen like see through fabric wrapping around my muscle and turning and it won’t let go.  Then all of a sudden it disappears.  I started writing the adjectives that explain that and then later on just made it into my rant.  I read it at open mike night and one of my teachers told me that this was one of the better things that I had written.  I finished it and showed it to her and she helped me rearrange a few things and I submitted it.  What’s the worst that could happen?  You could have said no thank you.

 

It was very nicely written!

 

Thank you.  But I was a little mad.  I didn’t sign up for this.  MS doesn’t run in my family, but the truth of the matter is people that live in Colorado- this whole section from the Dakotas, Wyoming, Montana and down have more instances of MS than any other place.  Isn’t that weird?  So- who knows?  Maybe it’s the water or the beautiful scenery.  Who knows?

 

It is great that you are telling this story?

 

It should be told and I haven’t seen anyone who has told this story.  I take the MS magazine and I keep thinking why aren’t you telling us?  My husband reads the magazine.  Other spouses and children see the magazine.  You should write about it and tell people what happens.

 

It is a learning experience for everyone!

 

I will tell you what happens.  You see this electric cord here?  It has rubber coating around it and you plug it into the socket and when a cat or mouse chews that rubber outing then you have a short and electricity can’t get through.  Nerves are like that.  There is a coating around the nerve that for some reason breaks down so when I think I am going to stand up and walk, often times I can’t do that.  And I have learned to stand up and first I have to center myself and then stand up and stand there and then I can move- otherwise I will fall.  That’s what happens physically inside your body.  The messages don’t get through.  It affects different people in different ways.  Mine happens to be in my legs which is the strongest part of my body.  I was a tap dancer.  I danced in shows all my life.  Can’t do that, because I can’t stand alone.

 

How did you learn that you had MS?

 

They thought I did about 10 years ago, but they could not find lesions which appear in your brain.  They would do a brain scan and couldn’t find them.  I was exhibiting symptoms of MS.  So time came to pass.  I changed to a different neurologist who was closer and after he looked at all my records (I’d had some spinal surgery) and he said the lesions were in my spine in the cerebral cortex.  A brain scan would not show us anything.  You have MS- the good news is that it is not going to get any worse than it is right now.  The bad news is that you are going to have it for the rest of your life.  So that was comforting.  Don’t buy a wheelchair- you are not going to do that.  I have to live another 20 years.  I have a granddaughter who is nine years old and I have to see her graduate from college.  I plan on it.

 

You have written plays, music and lyrics, religious drama and memoirs as well- which genre do you prefer writing?

 

Let me preface it by saying I prefer writing plays and lyrics and music because I have done that all of my life.  It is the easiest.  Dialogue comes very easy to me.  I can set the scene and give the stage direction and all of that.  What I am doing now in the class I’m currently taking is writing in some genres I have never tried before.  One is poetry which I have never done.  It’s not like lyrics which rhyme.  Poetry doesn’t necessarily need to rhyme.  I have written a children’s play which I have never done and fiction noire like Sam Spade- a monologue.  So I am trying other areas.  Memoirs are also very easy because I write down everything I can possibly remember from my younger life and certain incidents.  I think our children would enjoy reading them because I had lived in 18 houses in 12 years of school.  I moved all of the time.  You just packed up and moved.  That’s life.  I was born in Casper, Wyoming.  Then we moved to Salt Lake City then California.  War broke out and Mom and I were there in California for a while.  Then we moved to Fort Morgan (Colorado) then back to California, Longmont (Colorado), Boulder (Colorado) and back to Longmont where I graduated from high school.  I still have lunch every month with my Longmont High School bunch that I ran around with.

 

What are your future goals in writing?

 

I want to finish the children’s story because I’m using my granddaughter as the focal point of it.  And it is in a series.  You have to take one incident at a time.  And I have this wonderful book that tells which words she knows from kindergarten to the fifth grade.  So the book is being geared now in the fourth grade which is the next step.  The words they know so it can be put in the story.  So that has been very helpful.  I also have a book “Writing Children’s Books For Dummies”.